Random Thoughts

Dear 18 year old Alice, I know you're on top of the world now. You graduated high school (on time at that which no one thought so good for you) and you have a well paying job at the police department. Best of all you have your own apartment at just 18! Life is really good at the moment. Yes I know we went through some really rough times growing up, but it is nothing compared to these next stages you will endure. Life is about to change in ways you aren't ready for. I wish I could prevent some of them from happening, but alas I cannot. So I will do my best here to prepare you for the road ahead.  First off she may seem mean and fiery as ever but in reality our step mother is dying. She hasn't told anyone just yet and you won't learn for a few more months yet just how bad it really is. She'll put up a fight for about a year and then she'll die. Your world will fall apart at this point. Everyone and everything in your life now will be gone. You will have un...

What can I tell you about him that maybe hasn't been said in some cheesy song. How can I describe him without sounding like I'm gushing over him like some giddy school girl. He is sweet but aloof. Funny but introverted. Caring but deeply shy and private. At times he both fascinates and frustrates me. Maybe that's part of my attraction to him. Trying to dig away the layers to find the beauty hidden within.  We are nothing but something. Something truly beautiful and magical. Something out of a twisted fairytale that has so many unexpected turns. He makes me feel like a princess and like a lonely child trying to desperately to reach her lost toy all in one.  He thinks he takes advantage of me when I do nice things for him and yet he doesn't know I could never repay him for all the things he's done for me. He's changed my life in so many good and positive ways.  Here in this city I dreamed to live in I felt alone but going home was never an option. ...

According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America social anxiety disorder is defined as  "the extreme fear of being scrutinized and judged by others in social or performance situations.  Symptoms may be so extreme that they disrupt daily life. People with this disorder, also called social phobia, may have few or no social or romantic relationships, making them feel powerless, alone, or even ashamed." I have always been a shy and introverted person, but the social anxiety started sometime around age 8. After my parents divorced and I went to live with my dad, I went from a long haired talented and gifted student to a short haired girl (via an unwelcome hair cut) my new school system was trying to put back one grade. I had lost all my friends, my own bedroom and my mom in one fell swoop. Being shy made it difficult to make new friends and with my new school trying to put me back a grade I felt stupid, scared and alone. So began my lifelong battle with social anx...

As a sufferer of severe migraines and insomnia I am an advocate for cannabis. However, being afflicted with pulmonary fibrosis, I am unable to inhale smoke into my lungs. Therefore, I must indulge in the only other reasonable ways, through edibles and tinctures. Unfortunately consuming it this way makes it more difficult to figure out exactly how much to consume or when I have overindulged. This occasionally leads to being higher than I anticipated. Now the good thing with cannabis is that you won't die from overconsumption, but you will often become fuzzy, paranoid, sleepy and lightheaded. The resulting feelings make for interesting and often comical (in hindsight mind you) stories. This is the first of one of those stories. A male entertainer friend of mine had come to town to visit and asked if I would come out to see his show. I asked my roommate if she would like to come with me and she said yes. At the time I had only been in Los Angeles a few months and didn't know a...